40 Carnac The Magnificent Photos and Premium High Res Pictures - Getty Images Editorial Editorial FILTERS CREATIVE EDITORIAL VIDEO 40 Carnac The Magnificent Premium High Res Photos Browse 40 carnac the magnificent stock photos and images available, or start a new search to explore more stock photos and images. Wilbur, Orville, and Wright. Screenkey. Q: Describe Mrs. Stillman on a bus that doesn't make rest (Crowd applauds) #10. The Answer: Kids, drunk people and tight yoga pants. KeyCastr. These jokes aren't mine, copyright on them is held by the Page, Return to Carnac the Vote Devining Consultant Page. A: The Orient express. A: The Rock of Gibralter. Carnac The Magnificent Quotes May a diseased yak squat in your hot tub. Q: What's the one thing Sammy Davis is not wearing around A: Evon Guligan. Carnac the Magnificent: [Opening envelope] What's the first thing you do when you hold up a liquor store? , The Question: Name a person who only says Jesus when he stumps his toe in the dark. Lucky for us, every time that Bilaam tried to curse us, G-d stepped in and made blessings come out of his mouth instead of curses. [1] prune juice? Q: What's the name of a drink made with beer and prune Return to Humor Page Q: Who ruined that darn rug? The character was taken from Steve Allen's essentially identical "Answer Man" segment, which Allen performed during his tenure as host of The Tonight Show in the 1950s. The Question: Name three things that always tell the truth. Q: Name an address Anita Bryant will never have. Q: Who won't be let out to see the picture? Previous. A: Kumquat. Q: Name a leak, a Greek and a freak. Q: What does the Jolly Green Giant use to hitchike with? Clarnac: This crowd is tougher than a camel pot roast. Q: What does Billy Carter eat on a sesame-seed bun? Function: _error_handler, File: /home/ah0ejbmyowku/public_html/application/views/page/index.php Carnac the Magnificent, a turbaned psychic, could answer questions before seeing them. May a toothless holy man give your grandmother a hickey. A: An emerald, a screwdriver, and Chuck Barris. "I've seen sex, and I think it's OK." -- Talking Heads, Either email addresses are anonymous for this group or you need the view member email addresses permission to view the original message, I'm sure you have all heard Johnny Carson do his Carnac routine. Q: What do you call a sadistic tailor? Carnac the Magnificent: Carnac the Magnificent was a recurring comedic role played by Johnny Carson on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson.One of Carson's most well-known . Q: What do you call a drink made with un-cola and prune . plunger. Carson as Carnac the Magnificent Carnac the Magnificent was a recurring comedic role played by Johnny Carson on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson. . Q: Describe Mick Jagger's nose. Q: If voters have their way, what message will Jimmy Carter Q: Describe the Nixon income tax deductions. . Q: What noise do sheep make when they laugh? The character was introduced in 1964. May there be more than one of you to bear the mountain of misery and griefI wish upon you. Function: _error_handler, File: /home/ah0ejbmyowku/public_html/application/views/page/index.php I added more feathers, mardi gras beads and glue on fake jewels to . A: England, France and Greece. The Question: What is the name of Trumps new Vodka? Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? After Carnac entered and stumbled, Ed would continue as follows: "I hold in my hand the envelopes. Jokes would also be topical; for instance, "Over 105 in Los Angeles" (presumably referring to the temperature) instead led to "Under the Reagan plan, how old would you have to be to collect Social Security?" The Answer: Dumbo, Eeyour, and Mitt Romney. A: A broken water pipe, Telly Savalas and Chuck Barris. (Crowd cheers) #10. The Question: Name 8 things that will soften your brain. A: The Laughing Policeman. (croud cheers) #10. Get Image May you get your first French kiss from a diseased camel. Good place to get some thinking done"-- Mr. Blore, the DJ who would not die {hplabs, seismo}!hao!udenva!showardor {boulder, cires, ucbvax!nbires, cisden}!udenva!showard, Somebody came up to me the other day and asked, "Hey, if I melt dry ice, can I go swimming without getting wet? Funny story written by Dr. Billingsgate. While Evans certainly popularized the usage of the term Minoan, its first known use in the sense of "ancient Cretan" appears to have been in 1825 by German historian and philologist Karl Hoeck. As a child of four can Q: Name three people who like to bomb. Historically, 1 in 100 women died in childbirth, and at some periods that number was as high as 4 in 10 women. A: Fun with Dick and Jane. Get Image Page 2 of 4 Watch now: Free with ads. The Question Describe the sound made when a sheep explodes., McMahon would always announce near the end, I hold in my hand thelastenvelope, at which the audience would applaud wildly, prompting Carnac to pronounce a comedic curse on the audience, such as May a flock of wild geese leave a deposit on your breakfast!, May your sister elope with a camel!, May a diseased yak take a liking to your sister, or the most famous: May the bird of paradise fly up your nose!. A: "Leave it to Beaver." CARNAC: May a crazed sultan force you into mouth-to-mouth A: Fit to be tied. A: Green thumb. Well, as it turns out, Parshas Balak starts off with this wicked king named Balak trying to get this wicked mystic named Bilaam to cast a curse upon the Jewish people. A. Whacka-doo, whacka-doo, whacka-doo. A: Touchback. CARNAC: May an untouchable take a liking to your only Q: Describe Raymond Burr's undershorts. Q: What were some of the earlier forms of Preparation H? Shriver. Q: What does your skalli do when it's happy? May the bluebird of happiness twiddle your bits. Q: What do you see if you hold your hernia up to a mirror? The Question: Name a childrens nursery rhyme to be screamed every time Hillary Clinton opens her mouth. CARNAC: May a diseased yak drop his cud in your hooped Get a random spoof news story. Browse more quotes by famous person's name. Q: What should be posted on Howard Cosell's tongue? The Question: Where was the largest gathering of Southern Baptists in history? May a drunken peasant drive a cartload of potatoes up your scabby nostrilsand may each potato take root and grow till your skull bursts into morepieces than there are anti-Semites in the Ukraine. In article <10@udenva.UUCP> sho@udenva.UUCP (Mr. Blore) writes. In the ongoing sketch, Carnac would draw a sealed envelope from a mayonnaise jar, and hold it to his forehead. Gotta be Here's how it played out on air. A: Peter Pan. Actually, I have to admit reading it in the book "Superman: Last Son ofKrypton" (which is [very] loosely based on the movie) in which Lex Luthor(responding to the question "You told me your second favorite pastime.What's first?") A: 50 miles per hour. The Question: Name three things in New York that may run forever. A: Keep your eyes on your prize. Carnac The Magnificent undated. Along the theme of reverting curses, there is a fascinating mesorah (tradition) handed down from the Vilna Gaon (1720-1797) that all the curses that mankind was cursed after Adam and Eve sinned in the Garden of Eden, will be reverted and changed back to normal at the end of time, except for the curse of the Serpent, who represents the evil force of Amalek, and whose curse shall remain in place until his utter and total destruction. Q: What does Zsa Zsa Gabor call the center of a church? The Question: Where did Jen Psaki go when she resigned as Obidens Press Secretary? NO ONE! Line: 24 The one that had McMahon and Carson nearly rolling on the floor with sustained laughter was Sis boom bah. CARNAC: May a swarm of gay chiggers open a disco on your If a joke bombed, Carnac went after the audience with all kinds of creative curses including, "May the Shah of Iran seek refuge under your sister's skirt!" . CARNAC: May a diseased yak squat in your hot tub. The Answer: A lawyer with his brief case. Carpenter During Sweeps 1984. A client of mine was hosting a dinner party, wanted to entertain her guests by re-enacting this skit between Johnny Carson and Ed . [9], File: /home/ah0ejbmyowku/public_html/application/views/user/popup_modal.php Q: What do you call a guy who streaks Minneapolis and St. I have been collecting records, CDs and DVDs. They've been kept in a mayonnaise jar on Funk and Wagnalls' porch since noon today. A: The diamond lane. , Ed: I hold in my hand the last envelop! In this memorable skit, Carson and Betty White stripped down to their skivvies to reenact the divorce proceedings for humanitys first couple. The answer was always an outrageous pun. A: The Newlywed Game. The Answer: Dr. Ben Casey, Dr. James Kildaire, Dr. Doogie Howser, Dr. Marcus Welby, Granny Moses (Beverly Hills) and Dr. Anthony Fauci. Paul Rosenzweig, George Washington University law professor and former deputy assistant secretary for policy in the Department of Homeland Security, told Yahoo News via email it reminded him of Johnny Carson's "Carnac the Magnificent" sketch "where he knows the . and Supermanreplies "Johnny Carson, 1967" to which Lex remarks "Right. A: 20,000 Leagues Beneath the Sea. Q: What does the Galloping Gourmet do during an earthquake? The Question: Describe the U.S. economy under the Obiden administration. A: "Gung Ho!" A: A potato, Burt Reynolds and Sgt. violence? The Carnac character and routine also closely resemble Ernie Kovacs Mr. There are a couple of ideas I've had to make this and I'm not sure which one would work best - and possibly there are other . Q: What do you say when it's Rose's turn at the bowling cleanup team? A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z, Accomplish Achieve Achieving American Art Attitude Awesome Beautiful Belief Believe Car Carly Fiorina Change Children Control Creation Creative Death Defeat Desire Direct Education Enthusiasm Exercise Existence Faith Forgiving Freedom Friend Friends Future God Good Enough Government Gratitude Happy Heart Hillary Clinton History Human Husband Illegal Imagination Imagine Incredible Innovation Israel Law Leadership Life Love Lucky Manage Managers Marines Marriage Military Morning Motivated Nature Negotiation Not Enough Obama Outside Peace Politics Reality Responsibility Sacrifice Science Shark Tank Significant Successful Sun Surprise Technology Today Travel True Truth Truthfulness Universe War Wife Winning World, "I am kind of an old soul. Line: 68 Inning. The answer: "Sis boom bah." Q: Describe Sister Mary Kong. JOHNNY CARSON'S MAGICAL BEGINNINGS. The audience was silent as Carson and Midler sang an a cappella version of the song Heres That Rainy Day. Its a sweet and sincere moment that youd be hard pressed to find in todays late-night lineup. A: Short eyes. They are adding a Carnac the Magnificent bit to their shows and need a turban, which is more of a cross between costume and prop. Q: Describe a stoned bowling team. The comedy came from an unexpected question following a seemingly straightforward answer. A: Eleven. CARNAC: May a camel chip float in your martini. stops. ", "May the fairy god-camel leave a lump on your pillow! Carnac the Magnificent was a recurring comedic role played by Johnny Carson on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson. A: A nine foot base with two feet of powder. So how does this connect to the weekly Torah portion, you ask? A: Sir Lawrence Olivier, the Oscars and the oil shortage. The Answer: NBC, ABC, CBS, MSNBC, CNN, PBS, FOX News and a Crowbar. A: 13 Queens Boulevard. A: 2001. Dont break the concentration of the mystic from the East, or he will place a curse on you! , The Question: What do you call pedestrians trying to cross I-220? Q: Who old do you have to be to date Princess Margaret? Jackie Lynch 242 followers More information Q: On a cold morning, what forms on de-grass? Q: What does it say on the side of Phyllis Diller's dress? Box 4, Folder 45. . Q: What is it that Ronald Reagan keeps trying to hide? Q: What do crabs get high on? , The Question: How high will the price of gasoline go under the Obiden administration? A: Fondue. Audience reaction played a major role in the skit. The Answer: Hes 97 and we dont know where the hell he is. I unfortunately have not kept up with this particularfield, so can enlighten you no further.--, Craig Werner !philabs!aecom!werner "Never attribute to malice what can be adequately explained by stupidity. The Question: How did the dinosaurs become extinct? Tell a friend Ask a question. We are now officially the living who envy the dead! A: Ben Gay. A: The ZIP Code. Q: What did Yul Givens give after eating a prune tree? Q: What do you call not getting busted? Its hard to divine when you cant see. Q: What do cannibals find hard to digest? "Answer: Donald, Benji, and Alexis CarringtonRips open envelopeQuestion: Name a duck, mutt, and a ****.Karnak foresees the answer -- "Bobby Orr, Bobby Hull, Ed Sullivan. The entire studio erupts in hysterical laughter] dickory? A: Clean air, a virgin and a gas station open on Sunday. Key'n'Stroke. Contents A: Timbuktoo. The Question: Name the two dummies in the Gray-Daniels Auto Group commercial. CARNAC: May the Shah of Iran seek refuge under your CARNAC: May a weird holy man use a Black and Decker tool on Q: Name a clock, a jock and a crock. The act involved a variation of the magician's billet reading trick: divining the answer to a question written on a card sealed inside one of the envelopes, announcing it to the audience, then tearing open the envelope to reveal the question. The Question: What are Kim Kardashians measurements? 596 views, 2 upvotes, 1 comment. One of Carson's most well-known characters, Carnac was a "mystic from the East" who could psychically "divine" unknown answers to unseen questions. , Ed: I hold in my hand the last envelop. The Question: Name one person bitten by a shark, one person swallowed by big fish, and one person shot by a seal (a Navy Seal). The Answer: An I-Phone, a cable bill, and a BMW lease. Q: When will you get to work going 55 miles an hour? BILLINGSGATE POST: Johnny Carson was the very best. Size: One SizeColor: Jumbo Gold/Purple Verified Purchase. Q: What's the smart thing to do if a Dallas Cowgirl touches seats. On Friday which would have been Carson's 95th birthday the National Comedy Center in Jamestown, N.Y., and the Elkhorn Valley Museum in Norfolk, Neb., will announce plans to preserve a trove of. CARNAC THE MAGNIFICENT ED McMAHON: Heaven has no brighter star than our next stellar guest, that omnipotent master of the east and former manicurist to Howard Hughes, Carnac the Magnificent. Praise the Lord and pass the ammunition. these envelopes, puppies and red-eye gravy. . CARNAC: May your desert pension fund be managed by Jimmy Q: What do you call getting hit with a fistfull of peanuts. Johnny would don an . My daughter-in-law, may she live to be a hundred and twenty, and may she haveto live all her years in *her* daughter-in-law's house. Q: Name the loser in the 1976 presidential race. The Question: What is the sure fire way to get rich beyond your wildest dreams without doing a thing. So, if you are looking for some great American jokes that were popular on television too, you have come to the right place. A: The eye of a frog, the wing of a fly and the throat of a Disclaimer: If the University finds out what I'm doing, they probably couldn't care less. A: "Oh God!" sister. [applause]. the memoirs of Richard Nixon. Q: What should the oil companies' new slogan be? The Question: What do you call a lady golfer who pulls her drives hard to the left? Q. If you are of a certain age, you might yet remember "Carnac the Magnificent", a recurring comedic role played by Johnny Carson on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson. the Denver Nuggets. In article <12@gitpyr.UUCP> gra@gitpyr.UUCP (Mark W Fouraker) writes: Paddy Chayevsky's "The Tenth Man" contains several curses on daughters-in-law. Q: Describe a double feature with Earthquake and The Currently showing results page 1,636 of 2,021. Q: What do you call Hershey's Prune Kisses? Carnac the Magnificent was a recurring comedic role played by Johnny Carson on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson. A: Sha-na-na. A: Gatorade. A: Rosy red cheeks. juice? Q: What do you get from a bee that has an udder? Q: What noise does Mr. McMahon's liver make? The Answer: Under Willie Brown and through Joe Bidens colon. May your mother-in-law not have to be carried to your funeral. A: Quarter Pounder. A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z, Accomplish Achieve Achieving American Art Attitude Awesome Beautiful Belief Believe Car Carly Fiorina Change Children Control Creation Creative Death Defeat Desire Direct Education Enthusiasm Exercise Existence Faith Forgiving Freedom Friend Friends Future God Good Enough Government Gratitude Happy Heart Hillary Clinton History Human Husband Illegal Imagination Imagine Incredible Innovation Israel Law Leadership Life Love Lucky Manage Managers Marines Marriage Military Morning Motivated Nature Negotiation Not Enough Obama Outside Peace Politics Reality Responsibility Sacrifice Science Shark Tank Significant Successful Sun Surprise Technology Today Travel True Truth Truthfulness Universe War Wife Winning World, "I am kind of an old soul. "May a misguided platypus lay its eggs in your jockey shorts", or "May a confused weightlifter clean and jerk your sister", or "May the fleas of a thousand camels infest your armpits". A: The CIA. Carnac is described as 'A utility to give some insight into how you use your keyboard/' and is an app in the os & utilities category. you? A: That darn cat. A: All the President's men. your only sister. Towering Inferno. Question Man. CLARNAC the Magnificent is my impersonation of Carnac as a tribute to Carson and for some laughs, if only my own. Clarnac: I hope it has instructions to get out of here. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental or is intended purely as a satire, parody or spoof. Kentucky: The state that is being dragged, kicking and screaming, into the 20th century. doctors. The Phantom of the Opera, The Lion King, and Donald Trumps mouth. Legal experts contacted by Yahoo News said the idea of Trump telepathically declassifying government documents is absurd. Get Image Page 1 of 4 No more years! A: Snap, crackle, pop. The curses were basically middle eastern curses and would not be considered politically correct today. Prime Video. Q: How do you say "Good morning" to your diddly Q: What are good directions to a urologist's office? , The Question: What is the female version of Viagra? (Original post) Gladys Knight and the Pips. . Q: What was Elizabeth Taylor between 3 and 5 pm on June 1, Q: Name a spud, a stud and a dud. Q: On a cold morning what forms on your david? seen them before. This crowd would applaud for a train wreck. A: Shake and bake. Sunday, 16 December 2018. Line: 315 A: Bambi, the White House grounds and the new TV season. grenade? Lot #220 ED McMAHON JOHNNY CARSON CARNAC THE MAGNIFICENT HAT. And on this particular night, Carson performed his "Carnac the Magnificent" sketch. May the bird of paridise fly up your noseMay an elephant caress you with its toesMay your wife be plaqued with runners in her hoseMay the bird of paridise fly up your nose, Ron Williams (not Tom Nadas, but an incredible simulation)--, UUCP: {decvax,linus,ihnp4,uw-beaver,allegra,utzoo}!utcsri!tomCSNET: tom@toronto, "Look over there, a dry ice factory. It is original material for the most part. . ", "Barometer, n. An ingenious instrument which indicates what kind of weather we are having.". One of his characters, "Carnac the Magnificent," drew on his early entertainment work as a magician in Nebraska. Q: What do you look for when you're tracking a shoo-be-doo-be? Q: Describe the five finalists in the Miss Universe A: Jello and "Charlie's Angels." ", Jan Elliott AT&T Bell Labs, Holmdel, NJ .hounx!jansz. (crowd cheers). The Answer: A Baptist preacher and a College football coach. Q: Name three movements. Hand made. May a diseased yak squat in your hot tub. Q: What is a drink made with soy sauce and prune juice? Carnac Unlimited Send a link or joke to a friend "I dream my stories," said the Author. A: "Here's Boomer." , The Question: What is the name the new Disney fat stripper movie. Positive reaction would prompt disbelief from Carnac, stating the ease at which he could make people laugh, such as "This audience would laugh at Dinah Shore backing into a meat thermometer." During his tenure, the late-night funny man interviewed everyone from President John F. Kennedy to Muhammad Ali. Q: Describe two people who like to cheat. May your first born male child be trapped in a steam room with the VillagePeople. The Question: Name a drink made up of 7-Up and prune juice. Q: Where should you address all your mail? Q: What do you use to fry a peter? May a diseased yak leave a gift on your new carpet. All the funny items on this website are fictitious. Ed: I hold in my hand the envelopes. Clarnac: If laughter is the best medicine, this crowd doesnt have a prescription. Q: What do you get on your fon if you leave it out all Q: What does President Carter say to Billy on Air Force A: Beethoven's Fifth. . Q: How much time has Governor Brown spent in California I have been collecting records, CDs and DVDs. ED: Certainly worth waiting for Show"? The character was introduced in 1964. "Describe the sound made when a sheep explodes. Similar Items. , The Question: Who is the first Affirmative Action Vice President of the United States? Amazon's Choice for carnac hat. I have been collecting some things that are kind of obsolete now. Carnac the Magnificent was a comedic role played by Johnny Carson on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson. Q: What do you call it when old topless dancers refuse to As a child of four can plainly see, these envelopes have been hermetically sealed. A: Never on Sunday. CARNAC: May a weird customs inspector discover a secret A: Pillbury cooking contest, a spasm of the diaphragm and Q: What do you get when you squat on a rosy red fire? Clarnac: Get your mind out of the gutter. The Answer: Because they are afraid someone will clean them. The Answer: Sam Quint, Jonah, and Osama Bin Laden. May you be blessed with a son so smart he learns the mourner's prayerbefore his Bar-Mitzvah speech. The Question: Name a clock, a jock, and a crock. Q: How do you get it? , The Question: Where do you go for a drive-through facelift? . I found something I always wanted to do, Carson said. Q: What's good advice to give a Japanese tailor? May you get your first French kiss from a diseased camel. Q: What do call the clone of a guy named Cy? A: 60 Minutes. his neck? A: Lo-fat. The Answer: Howdy Doody, Jerry Mahoney, and Joe Biden. The Question: What do Democrats in the Mississippi House of Representatives wish they had? A: 2001. Q: How do you play piggyback with Telly Savales? I have been able to obtain some really great similar brocade and will post that tonight. Q: Name three things on the endangered species list. A: Rocky, Network and The Silver Streak. Carnac joke: He was holding up objects that supposedly had been fished out of the Hudson River. Q: What looks delicious, quivers all over and can't talk? Q: When should you plan on making a rest stop at a gas . During one of his infamous animal interactions, Johnny Carson got up close and very personal with a Burmese python. resuscitation with a sick lizard. Carson Caucas 1984. Carson would place each envelope against his forehead and predict the answer, such as Gatorade. While in the past it was very common for women to die in labor, it is now very rare in modern hospitals. In the end, Eve not only gets a rib she gets everythingleaving Adam leafless and alone! In article <9@psivax.UUCP>, a@psivax.UUCP (Al Schwartz) writes. A: Burn the candle at both ends. The Question: What is Kamala Harris strange path to the presidency? CARNAC: May a camel with a weak kidney condition find your car? . A: Pot luck. Carson as Carnac the Magnificent Carnac the Magnificent was a recurring comedic role played by Johnny Carson on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson. , The Answer: Put It Back Like You Found It., The Question: What is the new campaign slogan for Republicans in 2022? Q: What's in Jimmy Dean's sausages? . While he was holding the snake, its tail wondered in between Carsons legs! Find Funny GIFs, Cute GIFs, Reaction GIFs and more. Q: What do you need after Hamburger Helper? Houses of Prayer and Study, however, are with us always. A: The four musketeers. #10. A: Last Tango in Paris. share. Q: Who was just arrested for impersonating a baseball team? A: Rat pack. ED: And now I hold in my hand the last envelope. sister. The character was introduced in 1964. plainly see, these envelopes have been hermetically sealed. QUESTION: Name a Kirk, a Turk and a jerk. proctologist. Q: What did Jimmy Carter's mother call his first baby A: Kaiser wrap. Clarnac: May a diseased yak leave a gift on your new carpet. The announcement implied Carnac was responsible for some scandal or disaster currently in the news, as "And now, the great seer, soothsayer, and sage, Carnac the Magnificent." , The Question: What do you call 435 House members and 100 Senators at the bottom of the ocean. Adam was cursed By the sweat of your brow shall you eat bread (see Genesis 3:19), yet today most people no longer must labor and sweat tirelessly just to eat. Q: What is the total of Bo Derek and Phyllis Diller? Tenor.com has been translated based on your browser's language setting. pants. A: "Small craft warning!"
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