132. The chains on my mood swing just snapped. People only rain on my parade because they are jealous of my sun and tired of their shade., 14. 1. They log in. I choose a lazy person to do a hard job, because a lazy person will find an easy way to do it. Say your affirmations slowly and clearly. Im describing you. The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one. Home: Where I can look ugly and not care. 242. Enjoy! I make the right choices every time. 25. 114. 89. 'Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.'. When life gives you melons, you could be dyslexic. I stick to things until I get to my destination., 12. Excuse me while I go on a ride on the porcelain steamer. Who cares about the future? 180. Its not easy staying motivated for work all the time. I can always be fatter. 86. Wilson Mizner Excuse me, I need to go be awesome today. 146. "I receive what I believe.". If you think women are the weaker sex, try pulling the blanket back to your side. 62. It doesnt work if it is not open. Giving up on myself because of one setback is like slashing my other three tires because one is flat., 10. I am grateful for all that I have. So with that being said, heres a list of funny affirmations. I eat cake because its someones birthday somewhere today. Never judge a book by its movie. 263. 230. 50. Everyone wants to talk with me because I am very funny. If at first, you dont succeed, so much for skydiving. Never ask a starfish for directions. 4. 1. I wasnt mad, but now that you asked me 7 times if Im mad.. yes, Im mad! 197. Whether its because of a bad breakup or just feeling really down, there are ways to look on the bright side and come out on top. 228. Remember that the effects of affirmations are no laughing matter, so make sure your voice is heard. Dear Monday, my mama doesn't like you and she likes everyone. We all have different and distinctive senses of humor thats what makes us such unique individuals. Where do you see yourself in 5 years? 152. 3. 153. I am full of vitality. 103. Also read: 70+ Positive Affirmations For Teens From Parents. Car Dealership: The best way to get back on your feet, miss a car payment. Why did the can crusher quit his job? I believe we should all pay our tax bill with a smile. Common sense is like deodorant, those who need it the most never use it. I have committed to being my most outstanding self. "Sometimes the best part of my job is that the chair swivels.". Lorrin L. Lee. Im sorry, but thats just the way I am. Read next: 45 Self-Compassion Affirmations to Practice when Feeling Low. Love may be blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener. 44. Im old enough to know better, but young enough to do it anyway. I am transforming into someone who is outgoing and makes others laugh. If the funny affirmations that Ive put together dont break your cool, then feel free to throw on a comedy special on Netflix or Youtube when you feel stressed. You can think about your affirmations at work, while driving, when you practice yoga, and when you spend time with your . We need to hear a pin drop. I am lazier after accomplishing the motive. All rights reserved. You cant have everything, where would you put it? We are going to be best friends forever, besides you already know too much. My diet for today: 1% food, 99% Halloween candy. 234. I will create my own magic like my name is J. K. Rowling. My silence spoke a thousand words, but you never heard them. 206. All my life I thought air was free, until I bought a bag of chips. 182. What do computers eat for a snack? Albert Einstein Hi! Best friends eat your food. Not everyone has good taste., 3. [click_to_tweet tweet=I can always think of something funny to say. quote=I can always think of something funny to say. theme=style4], 2023 Oldtown Publishing LLC 479 State Route 17 N 37. 187. 169. It makes them so damned mad. Everyone brings happiness to this office. Socrates. Yes, officer, I saw the speed limit, I just didnt see your car. Life is like a very long TV show, without a remote control. Steven Alexander Wright Keep your affirmations in the present. 210. 88. Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea. When life closes a door, just open it again. 47. If you were able to believe in Santa Claus for 8 -9 years, you can believe in yourself for at least 5 minutes. 41. East 276. If we shouldnt eat at night, why is there a light in the fridge? 107. My past is just a bad book that deserves to be in the trash. - TS Eliot. George Burns, 253. Even if you dont consider yourself a funny person, you should never be afraid to express your unique humor. My chins are a stairway to heaven. "What doesn't kill you makes your drinks stronger.". Everyone brings happiness to this office. 223. My imaginary friend thinks he has problems. Wonderwoman: single. You can make friends and have good relationships if you believe in your sense of humor and fill your mind with funny and positive thoughts. 53. Use this space for describing your block. If you cant laugh at your own problems, call me and Ill laugh at them. 233. Just as importantly, you can benefit from laughter in everyday situations. I live in a loving, nurturing, safe, and beautiful world. Thats what youre called when you dont have a job. avoid carbs. I am finding fun and joy in everything I do and everywhere I go. Why is Monday so far from Friday, and Friday so close to Monday? Albert King. Affirmations can be written in a journal, spoken out loud, or visualized as a conversation between you and money. I am lazy till I get a motive. Its a door, thats how they work. Dont drink to forget me, youll end up seeing me double. Use them as a tool to boost your self-esteem and productivity, as well as to overcome procrastination and complete all assigned tasks. Silence is golden, unless you have kids, then silence is just plain suspicious. 28. I said no to drugs, but they just wouldnt listen. Hence, avoid using past or future tenses. 23. 274. 254. God heals, and the doctor takes the fees. I hope you enjoyed this article on funny affirmations! 32. Pleasing everyone, thats impossible. In life, sometimes you just need to break the tension with a little humor. But a little chocolate now and then doesnt hurt. 51. When you fall, I will be there to catch you with love. A gummy bear. Every day I am devoted to my passions and dreams. 195. Always follow your heart, but remember to bring your brain along. 183. 54. I said no to drugs, but they just wouldnt listen. 226. 58. I could agree with you, but then wed both be wrong. I am thankful for all the problems I dont have. 23. I wonder why spiderman narrated it the other way round. 131. Quotes To Inspire You (MLK), 80 Life Gets Better Quotes To Brighten Your Day (Hope), 50 Bad Luck Quotes When You Feel Ill-Fated. What is Mozart doing right now? Focus on the positives and be grateful. 109. 276. If nothing is impossible is it possible for something to be impossible? Chris Rock Im in desperate need of a 6-month vacation, twice a year. 18. I am lazier after accomplishing the motive. With time, I have started to value more time. A best friend is like a four leaf clover, hard to find, lucky to have. 185. Im not lazy, Im just very relaxed. If you dont succeed at first, hide all evidence that you tried. Expect nothing and appreciate everything. Oh sheet! 217. - F. Your life is your message to the world. I am so f*cking awesome. 172. Run. 74. My to-do list doesnt include dealing with negative people. Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker? Its alright if you dont agree with me, I cant force you to be right. At night, I cant fall asleep. I dont need a hair stylist, my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning. Bill Murray, 260. I rescued some beer that was trapped in a bottle. Cindy from Marzahn If you cant laugh at your own problems, call me and Ill laugh at them. 239. Rodney Dangerfield. Check out our funny affirmations selection for the very best in unique or custom, handmade pieces from our encouragement cards shops. 164. It is, therefore, safe to say that, sense of humor can help you become successful in whatever you choose to do in life. People who talk behind my back are getting a great view. I will never let anyone treat me like a yellow starburst. Top 10 Funny Affirmations For Self-Esteem, Funny Daily Affirmations To Boost Your Energy, Funny Positive Affirmations For Confidence, 90 Funny Affirmations To Start Your Day With Laughter, 90 Inspiring & Funny Quotes About Ageing Gracefully, 280 Positive Money Affirmations For An Abundance Mindset. Love your enemies. There might be affiliate links on this page, which means we get a small commission of anything you buy. I wonder, do we lazy people go to heaven or do they send someone to pick us up? 112. 186. Im not here to judge, Im just pointing out all the mistakes youre making. Every time I like the taste of the food, I am damn sure that its unhealthy for me. 7. My mind is becoming much sharper. Life begins on Friday night. Lottery: a tax on people who are bad at math. How can you not like someone who can make you laugh? 63. Trust me, your secrets are safe with me and all of my friends. 1. 2. 57. I am way dumb than my mom keeps blabbering about me to the neighbors aunt. Can February march? A wishbone. 17. The biggest critics of my books are the people who never read them. Funny positive affirmations do work. With a cowculator. Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea. Sarcasm is a tool of highly intelligent people and if you're one of them (I bet you are), you're going to love these funny affirmations that are filled with humor and sarcasm.I'm sure you've heard a lot about affirmations, what they do and why you should start using them daily.They are a powerful to. Awesome things will happen today if you choose not to be miserable., 7. No matter how bad it gets, Im always rich when I go to the dollar store. Affirmations are a powerful tool to overcome self-sabotaging thoughts and boost your self-esteem. You need some sort of way to offset the inevitable stressors of life, and what better way to do that than with humor? New year, new me. 227. Oh sheet!. Charles M. Schulz Quotes that make no sense Photo: pexels.com (modified by author) Source: UGC. They allow you to focus on the positive and what is working in your life rather than dwelling on the negative. Im like a postage stamp. Whatever I do, I will do it for fun, but with dedication and focus. Ted Turner. "Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. Self-worth has nothing to do with clothing size. I say what I want and i dont care what everyone else thinks about it. - Bob Hope. You are good enough, smart enough, beautiful enough, and strong enough. 175. 151. 131. Theres no stopping me now. 128. I havent talked to my wife in three weeks. Youre born free, then youre taxed to death. 15. It makes them so damned mad. 2. When nothing is going right, go left. 248. Wilson Mizner, 262. 155. Unknown. 104. Why was six scared of seven? How do astronomers organize a party? Really? 116. 249. Breasts dont have eyes. Its what it is supposed to be, dont overthink and let it go. 2. 5. My room is like the Bermuda triangle, stuff goes in and is never seen again. I make people laugh, whether its with me or at me., 8. As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in schools. A gummy bear. You can use affirmations to alleviate pressure in highly stressful scenarios, like taking an exam or going to a job interview. How Do People Share The News About Their Engagements? Well, life isn't just about glitz and glamour nor rainbows and butterflies. Robert Bloch. The early bird catches the worm, eats more and dies sooner. Effective pushing often involves poop. Whoever said great things come in small packages hasnt seen my big screen TV. 40. What did the blanket say when it fell off the bed? We have divided these daily funny affirmations in these sections; Also check out our post ondaily affirmations for womenandaffirmations for menthat can help you to feel motivated and reshape your limiting beliefs. Microchips. Doing nothing is hard, you never know when youre done. Send me the link. Walter Bagehot The library, because it has so many stories. So, why not team them up? I dont think thats a coincidence. I lost some weight once, but I found it again in the fridge. Today, I laughed until my abs started hurting, so I can skip the gym. Im a work in progress without a completion date., See also: 120 Ultimate Best Quotes About Progress To Fuel Your Growth. A bald spot is like a lie, the bigger it gets the harder it is to cover it up. 199. Sometimes I wish I was an octopus, so I could slap eight people at once. Dear universe, Im totally open to all of the amazing things coming my way., See also: 120 Best Spiritual Universe Quotes To Contemplate Life. 174. 6. I didnt want to interrupt her. Its okay, he woke up. I make a difference by showing up fully. Gary Delaney, 248. I only check my voicemail to get rid of the annoying little icon. , we dont need our internal dialogue to pile on too. I believe we should all pay our tax bill with a smile. The great pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do. It may look like Im doing nothing, but in my head, Im quite busy. Its alright if you dont agree with me, I cant force you to be right. 275. Relationships these days start by pressing LIKE on her photo. This is because, in order to be funny, there are certain details that need to be perfectly delivered. I always carry a knife in my purse, just in case were having cake. If you want to catch a squirrel just climb a tree and act like a nut. It has features that are distinctive and make me who I am. Pardon me, I have 6 pounds of boneless mass to get rid of. 224. 205. We all have those days when we feel like the world is coming to an end. no rich foods. 262. Why cry for someone when you can laugh next to someone else? Ill start this journey with my 10 favorite funny affirmations that never fail to make me laugh. Art doesnt transform. Ann Landers, 244. 279. I am passing all the things and hardships with a smile. 196. 183. Car Dealership: The best way to get back on your feet, miss a car payment. 4. You may think youll never get over it, but you will, and youll be fine., 7. Groucho Marx. When you leave work on Friday, leave work. Life always offers you a second chance. 230. 3. If you have crazy friends you have everything youll ever need. ". 109. Henny Youngman, 246. 104. 9. 138. 3. Heres some short funny affirmations that will hopefully brighten up your day. So far, so good. 146. The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one. Oscar Wilde, 5. My boss is like a baby, screams and wakes me up every half hour. Relax, its the weekend, just dont blink or it will be all over. Maybe Monday doesn't like you either. Positive affirmations kind of set the way how your day will flow. The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits. I ve had great success using daily affirmations for my personal development. The future is shaped by your dreams, so stop wasting time and go to sleep. Alison Boulter. Dont forget to drink water and get some sun. 277. When our phones fall, we panic; but when our friends fall, we laugh. Lazy people fact #2347827309018287. If you dont succeed at first, hide all evidence that you tried. 275. If you woke up feeling drained and blurry, these funny affirmations will boost your energy and get you ready to slay the day! I like expensive things because I learn the act of taking care from them. 73. 246. I have no time to worry; I have to be awesome. I am lazy till I get a motive. I am healthy, I am wealthy, I am hot!, 14. May your yoga pants be stretchy, your coffee be strong and your Wednesday be short., See also: 120 Inspiring Wednesday Morning Blessings To Motivate You. Not everyone has to like me. I said yes, which turned out to be the right answer. Loving yourself and believing in yourself is the first step in making these funny positive affirmations work for you. And in that moment I swear I still didn't give a shit. 158. 255. I just go normal from time to time. 268. I dont have everything I want, but I have all I need. Here's some short funny affirmations that will hopefully brighten up your day. I may stumble along the way, but I will get over it. Just like every Monday does on Earth. Bill Gates. I have no time to worry; I have to be awesome., 15. Once you're feeling happy and confident about your sense of humor, use these 35 affirmations to navigate challenging situations with a smile. 42. 232. I dont need you to remind me of my age at work, I have a bladder that will do that for me. 177. 61. How do astronomers organize a party? How do trees access the internet? If you're going to be thinking, you may as well think big. 5. Nothing, they just waved. Bill Murray. Funny affirmation quotes funny quotes about affirmation. I love myself, which is why I dont need to love the idea of other people loving me. Mental Style Project has been created as an outlet to guide you as you navigate through life, with the right tools and resources that will upgrade your life, enable you to take charge of your personal growth, and improve your wellness journey. I am fine. 156. When shit hits the fan at work, I turn it into fertilizer. 120. 212. Wake up and smell the birdshit on your windshield., 10. 16. 258. 45 Self-Compassion Affirmations to Practice when Feeling Low. Everyone recognizes how positive emotions can affect attitude and overall health. People wont be going to bed thinking about that one bad joke you made. 2. 84. Good morning! Lord, keep your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth., 9. 8. 270. 196. Ive collected 90 funniest affirmations from different sources on the web that will help you start a day in a positive manner. I dont know, but the flag is a big plus. 197. 79. "Age is of no importance unless you're a cheese.". 119. 140. I am calm, patient and at peace. One of the most important aspects of affirmations is how authentic they feel to you. May life man not be perfect, but Im blessed., 13. 2. I celebrate the highs, learn from the lows and now I release it into the past. Steve Martin 256. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, sharks for the wifes mother. Not everyone has good taste. Since not all of us are blessed with the ability to throw a joke the right way, we thought of helping you out by giving you these ridiculously short funny quotes. Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain. Smile today, tomorrow could be worse. Description for this block. Im going to stand outside, so if anybody asks for me, Im outstanding. I train my body. Work smarter, not for owning iPhones, but for not fearing their breaks., 3. People say you cant live without love, but I think oxygen is more important. 94. A mind is like a parachute. I dont like morning people, or mornings, or people. 215. I might go home today, but I will go bigger tomorrow. 65. I didnt mean to push all your buttons, I was just looking for the mute button. Before using these amusing affirmations, you should believe in your sense of humor. How do you count cows? 8. 39. No one can make me feel my jokes are bad. I dont go crazy, I am crazy. I create my life on a quantum level. 271. Maybe there are no excuses to be lazy, but Im still going to keep looking. The world needs people like me to keep things interesting! It will have a positive effect on your mind and body, and form an association between affirmations and a happy feeling. As you can see, laughter is already a powerful tool on its own. Give me a photo of you so I can show Santa what I want for Christmas. No matter what I look like. Edward A. Murphy Whoever said great things come in small packages hasnt seen my big screen TV. The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on. 127. "It's only WednesdayHang in there!". ". 9. 38. Repeat the affirmation as many times as you see fit. 86. Affirmations are an opportunity to be honest with ourselves and recognize that we have a treasure trove of power and creativity within us. Enjoy! I cant make everyone happy, Im not tequila. 202. And a funny bone. 85. Friends come and go, but enemies remain and build up. To put your affirmations into practice, follow these steps. I used to have winter fat but now I have spring rolls. Dont worry if plan A fails, there are 25 more letters in the alphabet. 147. 95. Who says nothing is impossible? 267. I could agree with you, but then wed both be wrong. 124. I dont need a hair stylist, my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning. 6. 213. 164. 12. This is a snap. Whatever you must do todaydo it with the confidence of a 4-year-old in a Batman cape., 2. Some when they enter, some when they leave. 127. Youre not tequila., 5. 238. I am lazier after accomplishing the motive. Gravitation cannot be held responsible for people falling in love. 21. Im not arguing, Im just telling you why youre wrong. 133. 126. Your email address will not be published. I just wanted you to know that somebody cares. It just plain forms. Ive been doing nothing for years. Honolulu, its got everything. 92. Finally, if you want a simple tool to record and recite these affirmations, then check out these 13 affirmations apps that help you create a positive mindset. 75. Not looking at the price tag when Im shopping., 11. Chop your own wood. Edward A. Murphy. Let these funny affirmation quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day. Im gonna be worse., 12. Hello little voice inside my head, please just shut up. Its not important to win, its important to make the other guy lose. I believe in what's possible for me. Every one of my colleagues brings happiness into the office. Yesterday I did nothing and today Im finishing what I did yesterday. I am naturally cool, calm, and collected. Im laughing at the confusion and smiling through the tears. Friends buy you food. We need to hear a pin drop. My son is now an entrepreneur. Waiting until the movie starts to eat your popcorn, hardest thing in the world. Putting up with others shit isnt on my To-Do list today. I am confused between what I like the most hanging out or posting that I hung out. Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow as well. 97. 166. Its scary when it disappears. People wont be going to bed thinking about that one bad joke you made. It takes less time to do things right than to explain why you did it wrong. Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, 9. Good morning! Remember, no one can make you feel anything other than what YOU allow yourself. 2. Why is England the wettest country? 7. I feel great. The most important aspect is being honest with yourself and opting for a meaningful statement. Then perhaps youd find value in these articles on. Pat Sajak, 41. Allow yourself to laugh if you feel the need. 179. Read the first word again. I dont need a psychologist to dig into my personal life and ask me about all of my secrets, thats what my friends are for! 24. Even on my worst day, Ive still got 24 hours., 6. 174. I experience ease and flow as I navigate my exhilarating life. I am already great, and I am yet to reach my full potential. Its called tomorrow. It can get you out of a tight corner and people who lack a sense of humor cannot do. 232. Those who snore always fall asleep first. I am not letting an episode of my life ruin the entire show. If I am willing to go back to bed when I wake up, I will go and make up the bed. Im not arguing, Im just telling you why youre wrong. Be careful when you follow the masses. - Unknown. He who wakes up early, yawns all day long. 92. "Today will be a great day". -Gandhi. Because they make up everything. Be strong, I whispered to my WiFi signal. Walter Bagehot. If you want to catch a squirrel just climb a tree and act like a nut. 235. My wallet is like an onion, opening it makes me cry. "Start each day with a positive thought and a grateful heart.". Start your day on a positive and lighter note with these funny daily affirmations and quotes to get you through. I heard a great joke about amnesia but I forgot it. I am intelligent. You can be positive and yet be funny and easy-going. Wouldnt exercise be more fun if calories screamed while you burned them?
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